THE CHALLENGE: My 16 year old daughter ran away and moved in with her boyfriend. Refuses to come home. Wants to be grown. I have posted situations about this before. Today she asks me if she can take the dog overnight. she’s constantly trying to make me out to be the monster. She punched me a couple weeks ago and told me to shut the fuck up because I wouldn’t buy her weed from the dispensary. Flipped out. While I was driving. Then jumped out of the car in the intersection and walked to her boyfriend’s house. BECAUSE I WOULDN’T SUPPLY HER WEED!!! like this is something new? I mean what the fuck. Anyway.. Here is part of the conversation. She’s munipulative and she’s abusive and she’s great at gas lighting. My heart hurts. She won’t come home and there’s nothing I can do about it.
THE FEEDBACK: You can’t force her to do anything. She is finding herself and when they start to manipulate you have 3 choices. Give in, fight it or step back. If you give in she will never stop manipulating you. If you step back you will let her make her own choices and then have to deal with the consequences. We typically try to save our teens because we believe we know what’s best for them. That is what they don’t want. They want to be independent and think they know everything. With this power they have a power of choice and when they make a poor choice and suffer a consequence that teaches them coping skills. I see a lot of parents that try to save their child or protect them from the same challenges they struggled with at that age. What ends up happening is that they never learn the lessons that they are supposed to that help them grow because they grow up sheltered from the reality of life and the world. The lessons that we learned as teens made us smarter and wiser. You can also try and fight it and that never does anyone any good. So you have 3 choices to help her find her way in the world and learn some valuable lessons. Give in, Fight it, step back.
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Warriors Of Life Institute
Parenting Strategist, Teen Mentor & Author