THE CHALLENGE: I can’t even begin to understand what this little punk thinks he is going to accomplish with his texts to my husband. Swearing and calling my husband terrible name. So disrespectful and hurtful. These came after my husband text our daughter because she was over an hour past her curfew tonight. She text my phone and said I’m sorry I’m late about forty minutes past. She is 15. We have rules, boundaries, limits…whatever you want to call them…and they dont like them. They have been “dating” since May. She has changed over the course of these last 4 months and not for the better. I guess we found out why tonight.
COACH RICHIE: Unfortunately, she has become disconnected from you and your husband and has discovered a connection with this boy. She most likely confuses in him with the rules she is subjected to and he comforts her agrees with her and is on her side. Which makes her feel good. Trusted, and heard. Which she doesn’t feel like she is getting from you guys. The boy is really disrespectful and is probably being raised by very poor role
Models that don’t respect him either. They have created a bond which is them against the world ie their parents. This pattern will only get worse and she will begin to act out even more that holds even more severe consequences. Coming up with a plan. First if you try to bad mouth the boy you will push her further into his arms. She will see this as just more control that you are trying to gain over her. I had a similar challenge with my son and when we blessed the relationship he finally figured out she was not good for him. Most likely won’t work in this situation. So what do you do. Unfortunately. You have limited options and need to start trying different things.
I would minimize text
Communications. Teens have the advantage over us. Conversations need to be done in person. I would also regroup with your husband and take a hard look
At the house rules
Have you told her the reasons behind the rules? Do you even know the reason? These rules need to be laid out and the why is the most important because teens can’t understand them. I agree they need some boundaries however they see everything as controlling and all they are trying to discover is their identity and independence is a big component of that. Lastly make a commitment to make her your friend. What does she like? Then do it with her. Any serious conversations should be done outside of the house because she doesn’t feel safe there because of the rules. You need to be resourceful in your actions and never give up with trying to reconnect with her. Hugs always help. We can love them or control them, but we can’t do both. You got this. Come from the heart instead of your minds and you will win her back.✌️
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