Found Drug Paraphernalia Outside My Son’s Window…Now What?

Dear Coach Richie: Found a bunch of drug Paraphernalia, pipes, marijuana, papers outside of my 14 year old sons window today. Drug testing him tonight and there will be consequences! Should I let his friends parents know? Or just keep it private? Any advice?

Coach Richie: The consequences should do it. Did your son know that he wasn’t supposed to do drugs? Was he aware of the consequences if he did do drugs? Sometimes as parents we let our emotions get the better of us and react to circumstances that are not within our control. What type of outcome are you looking to have when you give him that drug test. He is doing drugs. You confirmed it now what? What is the long game you are playing. He is 14 years old and at the point where his entire world is in chaos and he is trying to find himself, fit in with others, please his parents and worrying about the future. What is going on in his world that he needs to use drugs. What about if you came from a place of love and understanding instead of where we usually come from as parents. With judgment and punishment. Maybe he is looking for attention. Crying for help. Have you asked him what he needs? You only have a small window of opportunity to help him before he finds guidance, understanding and support from his friends. Then all bets are off. He will be gone for a long time and you will not have any thing to say about. You have an opportunity right now to find out what he needs. An opportunity to listen to him and hear him. see him when he is not being seen and to love him when he doesn’t feel loved. If you tell his friends parents what do you hope to achieve with this. He will hate you even more for dropping a dime on him. Possibly destroying a friendship that a 14 year old’s whole world is about. Do you think he would love you more? or resent you for at least 10 years for doing that. This is an opportunity you have to do something different that most parents won’t do. Get in touch with him and start finding a way to be his friend so he will open up to you when he has challenges in life. What did you need when you were his age? Would you appreciate your parents giving you a drug test and then telling your friends parents. Can’t you just assume that he is probably doing drugs and move forward from there. It is better to love than to be right. You can love them or control them. But you can’t do both. 🤘 You got this.

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