How to get my teen out of bed?

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: Can you give me some tips on how to get my teen out of bed in the morning. Iv tried earlier bed time, taking away electronics and friends. I’m running out of ideas. Any tips?

COACH RICHIE: How to get your teen out of bed is not easy. A couple of questions before you go down this path again. Would taking things away from you that make you get out of bed in the morning? What if he doesn’t get out of bed? What is the worst thing that could happen to him? If that happens what will he learn? What gift are you keeping from him by working your butt off trying to figure out how to get him up? What if you just let it be? Because if you let him be do you think he may figure it out on his own?

Consequence work magic and are gifts to help them learn from life. The more you take away and punish the more they feel as though they need to defy you…by staying in bed and doing anything that will drive you crazy. Time to parent out of the box. Whatever is not working do the opposite. If it doesn’t work you are no worse off. Sit for a moment on these questions and come at this problem from a different perspective and from a different space. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both.

Especially punish him into getting out of bed. What if he has sleep apnea and can’t get a good nights sleep? What about his life is filled with so much anxiety that he can’t fall asleep? Understand his world and you will understand his behavior. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both. Especially get them out of bed. 🤘

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My child is failing school.

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: I am feeling really depressed my child is failing school he has until Nov 22 to get his act together. I have been trying to help him but its exhausting. he was failing everything but now its only half his courses. hes doing online school and he just doesn’t put the effort in. he keeps saying I can catch up in a couple of days. I need him to be passing all classes by this weekend or he’s not going anywhere.

COACH RICHIE: Yes it is frustrating when you children don’t want to put any effort into school. As a parent is must be so hard so see that your child is failing school. A couple of questions to ask yourself. Do you know what you most afraid of? What does going anywhere mean? Where do you think he needs to go? What if he failed his classes? Would their be consequences that he would have to face? Could this be an opportunity that allow him to learn a lesson about life instead of you rescuing him? There are things out of our control and if we believe we can control them.

That will drive us out of our mind. Why don’t you trust him when he says he is going to catch up? Did you do the same things he is doing and what was that like for you at his age? Kids aren’t on our time schedule. They are on kid time. Which means there is no rush. As parents we get so wrapped in pushing them into our schedule we end up losing the most beautiful gift of all. Having a loving relationship with them because they resent us.

They resent us because any time we talk to them we need them to do something, be somebody else or accomplish something that we couldn’t. I would put myself in his shoes and think what does he need from me right this minute? A mom on my case or a mom that trusts me, supports me and mentors me when I need it. Last question to ask yourself. Why do you need him to pass all classes? Are you afraid that if he fails he will live with you forever, become homeless, start doing drugs, go to prison or even worse? Would’ve could’ve should’ve.

What if you took a step back, allowed him to exhale and let him see if he can do it on his own. He may surprise the hell out of you. That would be the biggest gift you could ever give him. An opportunity to grow or an opportunity to fail. Either way he will grow because our failures in life give us the gift of wisdom. That is what he will be robbed of if he is not given a chance to handle things himself. He said he could do it so what if you let him.? You can love them or control them but you can’t do both. 🤘 you got this  all day long💕

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce
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Partner is abusive towards my son…Now What?

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: I am at a loss. My son is 13. He is from a past relationship but I have full custody and he has lived with me basically his entire life. In the meantime I met my partner and we got married bought a house had another child and all that happy family stuff. But my partner and my older son just can’t seem to see eye to eye.
We have all been together for 8 of his 13 years and she actually has known my son longer than she’s known me. But he is a difficult kid with a sorted past. His other parent is a drug addict and has gone months without seeing him.

They’ve tried to poison his mind against my current partner years and years ago but it was eventually dropped and I thought we had all moved on. My son also has diagnoses of ADHD, ODD, and PTSD so he’s not easy to say the least. But he’s loving understanding beyond his years, smart, and an all round good kid outside of school. (He’s very rebellious about completing schoolwork) and my partner has an anxiety disorder which can be severe at times. So the two of them are like fire and gasoline at times.

But here is my issue. My partner calls him names regularly. Calls him stupid. Tells him he’s acting like an asshole. Tells him if he’s a dick to them, they will be to him as well and I just think all of that is wrong. If I try to talk about it with them, I get to sleep on the couch at best. But I can’t just sit by and watch my son get degraded like this can I? In family therapy it has been brought up a lot. As has it in 1:1 therapy. Nothing seems to help.

I don’t know what to do. Neither one hears me when I talk to them about it. They both complain the other is the issue. It’s truly a shared blame situation and neither is willing to put in effort to try to change. I feel like we should build our kids up and lead by example. They feel we need to toughen them up and give back what we get from them. I should also add that our little one who is 4 is starting to follow suit because he is around this toxicity.

Am I wrong? Is my partner?. I really just want to make everyone happy but all I seem to accomplish is nothing.

COACH RICHIE: So sorry about what seems like a horrible situation that you are in. Unfortunately, therapy typically doesn’t work. Especially for boys. The just want to be normal and normal kids don’t go to therapy. You are exactly write your partner is being a dick. He is a bully who most likely got bullied when he was young or who had bullies as parents that made him feel small, unworthy and unloved. We model what we see as we are children.

Is it your job to make everyone happy? Who is important in this situation at the moment? Do you believe you were put on this earth to make your partner happy? He is damaging your son’s life and also sounds like the younger one is going to be having some anxiety issues as he is around this toxicity.

What can you do? Serious conversation with your partner is where I would start. I would leave my son out of the conversation. I would ask your partner how he thinks your son feels when he calls him names? Would he like someone to call him names like that? Maybe ask him if he were bulled as a child? That may hit a raw nerve but may make him start seeing himself. Although if he is a narcissist then you won’t be able to tell him anything because it is all about him.

One thing I would try and sitting down with the both of them and asking them each a question. Ask your partner what does he think your son would say about the way he speaks about him? In front of your son. Then spin it around and ask your son what he thinks his stepdad? would say about the way he speaks to him? The only way forward is to get them to understand the other’s ones world.

Unfortunately your son should not have to do this with an adult. But you have to play the game where you are at. In the end the only question you really need to ask yourself is if this partner of yours is capable of empathy, compassion and love? If he isn’t you have some big decisions to make because if you don’t. You will lose your son to a teen tribe and that is when you have lost him for good. Then I would imagine your younger child will follow suit.

In the end you could end up with just your partner and the children out of the house because they can’t stand being around someone that tortures them constantly. You are an amazing mom who knows deep down inside what she needs to do to resolve this. Hope this helps you on your journey of parenting. We can love them or control them but we can’t do both

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce
some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com .
Always anonymous.

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Texting My Teens Instead of Talking

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: If you were disappointed in your pre-teen’s behavior and you want them to know how you feel, but knowing it could escalate into argument when you try to talk about it, would you try to get through by sending them a text explaining your disappointment? Will things sink in a little bit more for them, allowing them time to digest, without having them get instantly defensive and argumentative? I want to have an open line of communication, but sometimes it’s a struggle and we both end up getting very frustrated. I could really use some advice if I should be texting my teens instead of talking to them.

COACH RICHIE: If it were me I wouldn’t be texting my teens instead of talking to them. They get defensive because parents are typically confrontational and they don’t have any other way to defend themselves because they have not yet mastered communication skills and how to control emotions. That is why it is either hat or love, sad or happy. So you need to meet him where he is at. I would do the following. Tell them you would like to have a chat. Some place out of the home or in the car. Neutral territory. The. Follow this process. Think of 3 things that he thinks he may dislike about your parenting .

Then start the conversation by apologizing for one of them. Yes I know it seems nuts. But that is the only way to reach them without it ending in a fight. Honey, I know I make you frustrated when I don’t listen to you (insert your child’s issue with you). Then ask him if that is true? Give him some space to answer. Then you may say something like this. How bad does it get for you when I don’t listen to you? (again insert the issue he has with you here). Some space. Your job is just to listen without denying, judging or advising. Let him answer the question.

Then wrap it up with. Would you be able to help me be a better parent by giving me some advice on what I can do so you don’t get so frustrated with me? More space and let him answer. That is it. Have some conversations like this over the course of several weeks without saying anything. Just listen and be attentive to his needs and the ship will turn. It takes patience to reconnect with teens and understanding their challenging world is the first step. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both.🤘

Get my new free book. When Parents Fail Children Lose. House Rules of Harmony. A parents guide to help the family win.

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Click Here to Discover How you can become a Better Parent and Experience a Happier Life.

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce
some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com .
Always anonymous.


How can I force him to go to THERAPY?…Now What?

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Dear Coach Richie: I have a 16 year old who desperately needs some help but is refusing to talk to a therapist unless we give in to some demands. My wife and I have decided we will not be giving in to them.
But how do we force him to attend therapy at this point? We’ve tried limiting electronics which is the only thing he cares about. Even that hasn’t worked.
When he was younger it was easier to make him attend but now it seems almost impossible. Please help!!

COACH RICHIE: Problem #1 the language you are using. You can’t force anyone to do anything in life. Especially a 16 year old. Then you want him to see therapist that you selected. They just see them as a rat that will tell you everything he says. When parents ask me about getting their kid into therapy to fix their child. I tell them it starts with the parents. However as parents we rush to judgement thinking that our child is broken. Most of the time it is a result of lack of attention, love, challenging environment or a peer connection that leaves them getting advice from friends that don’t know anything. Why because they have lost their connection to the parents. So i would be asking myself.

What is going on in his world? Could we be contributing to the challenges he is facing? What can we do to build a better connection to him? What does he really need right now? You really need to be honest with yourselves because in the end they have all the leverage. And using force to get any results will never work. If you need to chat. Would be happy to have a conversation with you to. Because it is very helpful to speak to someone that can see what we don’t and hear what we can’t. You can love them or control them. It you can’t do both. All my love and support on your parenting journey. 🤘you got this.

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com . Always anonymous.


My son hates me because I CAN’T handle the TRUTH…Now WHAT?

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Dear Coach Richie: I don’t get it. I wake up in a good mood starting my day. I was feeding my 1 year old and talking to him and my 17 year old decided to fill me in on how much he doesn’t like me as a person. That my 1 year old doesn’t like me either but he needs me to survive. Not a conscious choice. This happened without any kind of provocation and is just crazy. Then he insulted me because he said I can’t handle the truth.

I don’t want this miserable anger to corrupt my 1 & 6 year old and am getting tired of it.

Coach Richie: He has lost his connection with you. Maybe the baby? Jealous of attention the baby is getting. What else is going on in the house that would make him feel hurt and would cause him to lash out at you? Teens are not programmed to be angry and hurtful. It is not a teen thing. It is a lack of connection to an adult. When they fail to connect with a parent they connect with friends and peers and as a result become influenced by them. What better way to fit it with others In their situation than to hate their parents and tell them. That is tribe mentality. So what do you think he needs right now? What is going on in his world right now? What did you need at his age? I love the advice to throw him out. So ridiculous we all have different experiences as parents and it is so easy for some to pass judgment and make a statement like this. You need to find a way to become his friend again. When as the last time you hugged him? The last time you spent some time with him without your other 2 children. He may be starving for your attention and anger is one way to get it. They are not mature enough to handle more than one emotion at a time. So anger it is because he can get a reaction out of you. What does he like to do? How can you build some rapport with him and become his friend? Do you respect him? Do you trust him? Have you asked him if he hates you? Have you expressed how you feel when he tells you he doesn’t like you as a person? What has been your response when he makes these mean comments? Have you asked him for help to understand what you have done wrong to make him say these hurtful things to you? His anger is masking his vulnerabilities and it keeps him safe in his tribe. How can you find a way to get past his anger and into his heart allowing him to be vulnerable with you. That is what we need in order to maintain our connections to our kids and be their friends. Hope some of these questions help you out. It is hard to deal with an unprovoked angry teenager. Unfortunately from their perspective they have been provoked and it is a mystery that is parents need to solve in order to discover a path through the anger.

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com . Always anonymous.



Throwing my daughter out. Now What?…

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: Today is the day that we tell our now 18-year-old daughter that she has two weeks to get her crap together or she hands back the house keys and she’s on her own to try to find somewhere else that will slow her to live for free. Tried everything I can, after dealing with this for over 18 months and only having her up watching TV all night and sleeping all day, I’ve taken as much as I can. This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done but hopefully the best thing that can happen to her to teach her what life is all about. What are your thoughts?

COACH RICHIE: Yes..Been there done that. However, I would do it a little different this time around. They are quite stubborn and will do anything to irritate you even more. I have spoken to parents that now drive by the coffee shop that they go to and see their 17 year old daughter loitering outside. She is homeless and lives in a shelter.

If you give her the ultimatum are you prepared for the consequences of losing her to the street. I get the frustration part. It is hard as parents to see what we believe is our kids pissing their lives away. But from their perspective everyone is ordering them around and they feel like they have no control (parents, teachers, etc). So what option do they have…DO NOTHING because at least they can control that in their life. Some questions to ask yourself.

When you go the hard love route are you prepared for the worse if she becomes homeless. (I see this a lot). Drugs to escape the depression. Then stealing to get money for the habit or even worse…selling their bodies. Possibly prison time for stealing, etc. Then they get that bad batch of drugs, overdose and possibly die. Those are the consequences of throwing them out. If you are ok with scenarios and you think she will learn a lesson. Go for it. But what lesson do you think she is going to learn. When they are stubborn they will sleep on the streets eat out of trash bins and do whatever they can not to bend to their parents rule.

So if she leaves don’t ever expect her to call you again and ask to come home. From their perspective the streets are more loving.So what are you other options? What about some choices? Take her to a homeless shelter and park outside and ask her maybe what she thinks of it? Have you actually spoken to her and listened to what she has to say. As parents we are always trying to fix and advise instead of listening.

Maybe she is very depressed. Sort of sounds like it to me. In the end the lesson you may be teaching her that if she is depressed, sad and hates her life the people that love you (your parents) disregard you and throw you out into the world. Lead with your heart and you will always’s make the right decision. 🤘 you got this.   

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com . Always anonymous.


My 17 year old is vaping. Now What?…

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Dear Coach Richie: So ,l knew my 17 year old is vaping but now l just found a thing that looked like a vaping pen with oil inside. He just turn around and said is weed in oil base😡😡😖😖like it’s all normal 😢😢l really don’t know how to handle this. I can’t kick him out because his a minor .

Coach Richie: Is that really what you think he needs? Would you be ok with the consequences of him living on the street even if he was 18. A couple of questions to ask yourself. What are you afraid of as a result of his vaping? Would you rather have a relationship with your son that is vaping or have no relationship with your son that is still going to vape and hates you for trying to control him? Life is very short. We are not guaranteed any second chances in life. Another question to ask yourself.

Why do you need to handle anything? What is your fear of him vaping? Have you actually spoken with him (not at him) to let him know how his vaping makes you feel? Sad, Burt, worried? What were you like at his age? Did you try smoking? He is trying to fit in with his friends and when they connect to a teen tribe they will do anything to be accepted including vaping and drugs. If you push him he will push back and move further away from you. Which will push him into that teen cult where nothing good is ever happening. If you choose to make your stand here and try to control this you will lose him for a long time. He still needs your guidance and mentoring So you can help him discover his identity and purpose. His friends won’t help him with that.

They will make him a clone of them. Which usually turns into him hating you and him ending f up going down the wrong path. If I were you I would try to see past this and not question on how to handle him. But ask myself how I can bring him closer and love him more so I can support him on his journey. If not it will feel as though you are controlling him and he will run. I would rather be loving than be right.

Take some time to really think how you want your relationship him to evolve. They can become our best friends once they turn 25 years old. That is when they mature and that is gold. I lost my son when he was 27 so please think real hard about the future relationship because sometimes we don’t get another chance at making things right. You have this option right now and it is in your control. So think about it. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both. 🤘 you got this . 

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com . Always anonymous.