Dear Coach Richie: Careless teenager breaks phone and mom. Had a terrible night with my teen last night. She has ruined so many expensive devices like her Iphone, because she decided she didn’t want the case on it. Well now it’s broke and she wants a new phone. I told her I can’t keep affording her mistakes, ruined her carpet in her bedroom, and so many more. She freaked out on me and started crying and hitting me while I was driving her home from a night at her boyfriends. I’m so sick of the this right now! Please help.
Coach Richie: This is a complaint I hear from so many parents. My Careless teenager breaks phone and Mom. Please understand, that you are not alone. She is learning about consequences for her careless actions in this moment. Awesome life lessons for her. What if you proposed to her some ways she can raise the money to replace the phone. When our children are reckless with these expensive devices they need to have boundaries in place that will not only protect our pocketbooks, but help them become more responsible and we really need to stand our ground on this one.
These are golden lessons for her that will help her later on in life. The hitting is really disrespectful and makes us feel really bad when our kids abuse us. When our children act on in hitting or verbal abuse of us it sometimes is because in some way they are trying to tell us they are hurting. Alternatively, they can see us as someone who let’s others walk all over them and is puts everyone else’s needs before them. Therefore, in their own sort of twisted way they are telling us. “Hey, why do you let other people take advantage of you, why don’t you ever do anything for yourself.” Sometimes this is the message they are trying to help us hear and a lesson they are trying to help us learn.
She is freaking out because her lifeline to her teen tribe has been interrupted. Bad in her eyes. A huge bonus for parents. One less minute in contact with the teen tribe is one more Minute they are within our parenting sphere of influence. So we can teach them the lessons they need in life to grow into the people they are supposed to become Sit back take a deep breath. Which they won’t learn from their teenage friends. Take advantage of this time and use it to reconnect with her. The universe has given you an opportunity to have some alone time with your daughter so please use it wisely.
When life becomes so outrageous sometimes the best medicine is just sitting back and maybe having a little laugh about how silly her behavior because she doesn’t have her binky (cell phone) the pacifier for teenagers. Put it back on her give her the responsibility, make her accountable for her own actions, stand your ground and help her learn these lessons that will serve her on her journey into adulthood.
When she say’s “I don’t have money” The response could be, “So how do you think you can resolve this challenge in your life?” If she wants it bad enough she will figure it out. You could also use the hitting instance as leverage and maybe tell her that you will never take another dollar out of your hard earned money if she ever raises a hand to you.
Maybe you will go and buy yourself something nice instead of buying something for a child that treats you like that. Is parenting teens such a joy. You got this all day mom.
In closing, maybe do some soul searching within yourself and ask yourself some questions.
Where else in my life am I allowing others to take advantage of me?
Who else am I constantly bending over backwards for?
When am I saying yes, when I should be saying no and sacrificing a part of my own identity?
I hope you find something hear that helps.
All my love and support
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