DEAR COACH RICHIE: My husband undermines my parenting. My daughter is a freshman in high school great student with good grades , she’s a wrestler, and she gets good grades good student she volunteered for the wrestling camp for little kids and for the wrestling club too. Today Saturday the wrestling teen is fundraising and she wanted to help with that too. Her dad thinks she’s doing to much for wrestling. I think it’s great but he thinks it’s too much . What’s your thoughts?
COACH RICHIE: What do you think her dad’s fears about her wrestling? We all have our own ways of parenting and for the most part when you say My husband undermines my parenting do you have find yourself doing the same? It doesn’t come down to who is right or who is wrong. It comes down to what is the best for our children. Parenting is a team sport and when make those statements ”my husband undermines my parenting or my wife undermines my parenting where are parenting against each other. This leaves our children confused because what they really desire is structure and that only can happen if two parents have one voice.
We have to give our children the space to find themselves and discover their passions in life. Your daughter sounds truly amazing and what a wonderful job you are doing raising her. There are so many other parents that have a lot of challenges with their teenagers. When we accept our children for who they are and what they want to become. That is when we truly connect with them and they feel inspired to do what fills their heart with happiness. Some parents try to control their children into doing things that they want them to do, to become the person that they want them to become. This essentially is trying to fit the child into a box that they don’t belong in. Square peg round hole syndrome. They know what they want and know what they are doing it. We just need to accept it all and sit back and watch the magic.
Sometimes it is easy and most times it is hard. But it is part of their journey in this world. When we try to fit them into that box they start resenting us from holding them back from their soul’s purpose. Why would we want to hold them back from something they love to do. Maybe her dad was held back from something he wanted to do at her age by his parents? We learn our parenting skills from our parents. some good and a lot of the bad. I think the best question to ask your husband is what is he scared will happen as a result she does too much for wrestling. Is his ego doing the parenting or his heart. When we let our ego parent it pushes our kids away, makes them feel small, unloved and resentful. It seems like this is a no brainer. You are an amazing mom who has done an incredible job loving, guiding, mentoring and supporting your daughter and she must love you to the moon and back. Making this wrestling an actual thing to cause turmoil in the family will certainly push her buttons and quite possibly make her turn into the other direction.
It is these small decisions we make as parents that have the greatest impact on our children and their journey in this world. We are only here as passengers on their journey to help them stay on the road. We are not here to grab the wheel. We already had our own shot, it is their time to have theirs. Letting any lack or unfulfilled life that we have regrets about get in the way of our raising our children is when things go very wrong.
Cheers to you again for raising an incredible human being with a heart that is filled with an abundance of love, joy, empathy and compassion. Mom of the year quality parenting here. Sometimes us dad’s lack some or (most) of the skills you mom’s had. Therefore, we need you as well to guide and help us parent better. Ask your husband the couple of questions here and I would also emphasize how wonderful your daughter is and that the alternatives that a lot of other parents face makes everyone’s life harder. Parent On. You are a Rock Star Mom and your husband just needs some coaching to become a Rock Star Dad. Your daughter is already a Rock Star so very well done. Hope you find something here that helps.
All my love and support
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