Teenager suicidal thoughts.

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I did a bad thing. I read my 13 year old daughters diary, i didnt go looking and found it whilst changing her bedding. I am shocked and feel sick at what i have read. Self harm, suicidal thoughts (graphic letters), and sexual activity. I feel like such a failure of a mother. I have 2 other younger daughters (7 years and a 20 month old). I work ft and so does my husband (he works evenings and weekends so i feel on my own most of the time). We have no family in the and i feel so alone with all this and don’t know where to go or what to do. My teenager suicidal thoughts scares me the most.

Take a breath and exhale. You are not a bad mother. You are doing the best you can. Aren’t you? It is so difficult to raise children when both parents work. They sort of feel abandoned. But that is where we are in today’s world. What are you worried the most about and focus on just one thing? Teenager Suicidal thoughts? The sex and anything else is a normal teenager. Although they do start so early these days.

As parents one of our jobs is to make sure our kids feel safe. So what can you do to help her? One thing I wouldn’t do is change how you act around her and never let on that you ready her diary. You will break her trust and you will lose a daughter. That is a guarantee.So you want to find out how she is feeling. Start with some sharing of your own with her. Maybe take her out by herself for lunch or something or get her while driving her somewhere in the car and try this. Tell her how you are feeling about life in general. You maybe be stressed about work and that both you and your husband feel bad because you can’t spend a lot of time with the kids. You are sad because you feel like you are. It there for her.

I wouldn’t ask her any questions. I would just talk. Open up. Because as a 13 year old she probably feels alone and that nobody understands her. If she hears that you sometimes have issues than she may start feeling better about herself. If she does speak. Acknowledge her feelings. If she says she doesn’t feel like you lover her or anything like that. PleAse don’t tell her that is not true.

That is how she feels and needs someone to hear it.When she has some apace to speak. When she is done ash her this power question. If I could do one thing to help you not feel this way and be a better parent to you what would that be? Hope this helps. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both. You got this  all day mom. Hang in there and be there to love, guide, support and mentor her and things will work out.🤘❤️

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How to get my teen out of bed?

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: Can you give me some tips on how to get my teen out of bed in the morning. Iv tried earlier bed time, taking away electronics and friends. I’m running out of ideas. Any tips?

COACH RICHIE: How to get your teen out of bed is not easy. A couple of questions before you go down this path again. Would taking things away from you that make you get out of bed in the morning? What if he doesn’t get out of bed? What is the worst thing that could happen to him? If that happens what will he learn? What gift are you keeping from him by working your butt off trying to figure out how to get him up? What if you just let it be? Because if you let him be do you think he may figure it out on his own?

Consequence work magic and are gifts to help them learn from life. The more you take away and punish the more they feel as though they need to defy you…by staying in bed and doing anything that will drive you crazy. Time to parent out of the box. Whatever is not working do the opposite. If it doesn’t work you are no worse off. Sit for a moment on these questions and come at this problem from a different perspective and from a different space. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both.

Especially punish him into getting out of bed. What if he has sleep apnea and can’t get a good nights sleep? What about his life is filled with so much anxiety that he can’t fall asleep? Understand his world and you will understand his behavior. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both. Especially get them out of bed. 🤘

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My child is failing school.

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: I am feeling really depressed my child is failing school he has until Nov 22 to get his act together. I have been trying to help him but its exhausting. he was failing everything but now its only half his courses. hes doing online school and he just doesn’t put the effort in. he keeps saying I can catch up in a couple of days. I need him to be passing all classes by this weekend or he’s not going anywhere.

COACH RICHIE: Yes it is frustrating when you children don’t want to put any effort into school. As a parent is must be so hard so see that your child is failing school. A couple of questions to ask yourself. Do you know what you most afraid of? What does going anywhere mean? Where do you think he needs to go? What if he failed his classes? Would their be consequences that he would have to face? Could this be an opportunity that allow him to learn a lesson about life instead of you rescuing him? There are things out of our control and if we believe we can control them.

That will drive us out of our mind. Why don’t you trust him when he says he is going to catch up? Did you do the same things he is doing and what was that like for you at his age? Kids aren’t on our time schedule. They are on kid time. Which means there is no rush. As parents we get so wrapped in pushing them into our schedule we end up losing the most beautiful gift of all. Having a loving relationship with them because they resent us.

They resent us because any time we talk to them we need them to do something, be somebody else or accomplish something that we couldn’t. I would put myself in his shoes and think what does he need from me right this minute? A mom on my case or a mom that trusts me, supports me and mentors me when I need it. Last question to ask yourself. Why do you need him to pass all classes? Are you afraid that if he fails he will live with you forever, become homeless, start doing drugs, go to prison or even worse? Would’ve could’ve should’ve.

What if you took a step back, allowed him to exhale and let him see if he can do it on his own. He may surprise the hell out of you. That would be the biggest gift you could ever give him. An opportunity to grow or an opportunity to fail. Either way he will grow because our failures in life give us the gift of wisdom. That is what he will be robbed of if he is not given a chance to handle things himself. He said he could do it so what if you let him.? You can love them or control them but you can’t do both. 🤘 you got this  all day long💕

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce
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Partner is abusive towards my son…Now What?

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: I am at a loss. My son is 13. He is from a past relationship but I have full custody and he has lived with me basically his entire life. In the meantime I met my partner and we got married bought a house had another child and all that happy family stuff. But my partner and my older son just can’t seem to see eye to eye.
We have all been together for 8 of his 13 years and she actually has known my son longer than she’s known me. But he is a difficult kid with a sorted past. His other parent is a drug addict and has gone months without seeing him.

They’ve tried to poison his mind against my current partner years and years ago but it was eventually dropped and I thought we had all moved on. My son also has diagnoses of ADHD, ODD, and PTSD so he’s not easy to say the least. But he’s loving understanding beyond his years, smart, and an all round good kid outside of school. (He’s very rebellious about completing schoolwork) and my partner has an anxiety disorder which can be severe at times. So the two of them are like fire and gasoline at times.

But here is my issue. My partner calls him names regularly. Calls him stupid. Tells him he’s acting like an asshole. Tells him if he’s a dick to them, they will be to him as well and I just think all of that is wrong. If I try to talk about it with them, I get to sleep on the couch at best. But I can’t just sit by and watch my son get degraded like this can I? In family therapy it has been brought up a lot. As has it in 1:1 therapy. Nothing seems to help.

I don’t know what to do. Neither one hears me when I talk to them about it. They both complain the other is the issue. It’s truly a shared blame situation and neither is willing to put in effort to try to change. I feel like we should build our kids up and lead by example. They feel we need to toughen them up and give back what we get from them. I should also add that our little one who is 4 is starting to follow suit because he is around this toxicity.

Am I wrong? Is my partner?. I really just want to make everyone happy but all I seem to accomplish is nothing.

COACH RICHIE: So sorry about what seems like a horrible situation that you are in. Unfortunately, therapy typically doesn’t work. Especially for boys. The just want to be normal and normal kids don’t go to therapy. You are exactly write your partner is being a dick. He is a bully who most likely got bullied when he was young or who had bullies as parents that made him feel small, unworthy and unloved. We model what we see as we are children.

Is it your job to make everyone happy? Who is important in this situation at the moment? Do you believe you were put on this earth to make your partner happy? He is damaging your son’s life and also sounds like the younger one is going to be having some anxiety issues as he is around this toxicity.

What can you do? Serious conversation with your partner is where I would start. I would leave my son out of the conversation. I would ask your partner how he thinks your son feels when he calls him names? Would he like someone to call him names like that? Maybe ask him if he were bulled as a child? That may hit a raw nerve but may make him start seeing himself. Although if he is a narcissist then you won’t be able to tell him anything because it is all about him.

One thing I would try and sitting down with the both of them and asking them each a question. Ask your partner what does he think your son would say about the way he speaks about him? In front of your son. Then spin it around and ask your son what he thinks his stepdad? would say about the way he speaks to him? The only way forward is to get them to understand the other’s ones world.

Unfortunately your son should not have to do this with an adult. But you have to play the game where you are at. In the end the only question you really need to ask yourself is if this partner of yours is capable of empathy, compassion and love? If he isn’t you have some big decisions to make because if you don’t. You will lose your son to a teen tribe and that is when you have lost him for good. Then I would imagine your younger child will follow suit.

In the end you could end up with just your partner and the children out of the house because they can’t stand being around someone that tortures them constantly. You are an amazing mom who knows deep down inside what she needs to do to resolve this. Hope this helps you on your journey of parenting. We can love them or control them but we can’t do both

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce
some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com .
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Texting My Teens Instead of Talking

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DEAR COACH RICHIE: If you were disappointed in your pre-teen’s behavior and you want them to know how you feel, but knowing it could escalate into argument when you try to talk about it, would you try to get through by sending them a text explaining your disappointment? Will things sink in a little bit more for them, allowing them time to digest, without having them get instantly defensive and argumentative? I want to have an open line of communication, but sometimes it’s a struggle and we both end up getting very frustrated. I could really use some advice if I should be texting my teens instead of talking to them.

COACH RICHIE: If it were me I wouldn’t be texting my teens instead of talking to them. They get defensive because parents are typically confrontational and they don’t have any other way to defend themselves because they have not yet mastered communication skills and how to control emotions. That is why it is either hat or love, sad or happy. So you need to meet him where he is at. I would do the following. Tell them you would like to have a chat. Some place out of the home or in the car. Neutral territory. The. Follow this process. Think of 3 things that he thinks he may dislike about your parenting .

Then start the conversation by apologizing for one of them. Yes I know it seems nuts. But that is the only way to reach them without it ending in a fight. Honey, I know I make you frustrated when I don’t listen to you (insert your child’s issue with you). Then ask him if that is true? Give him some space to answer. Then you may say something like this. How bad does it get for you when I don’t listen to you? (again insert the issue he has with you here). Some space. Your job is just to listen without denying, judging or advising. Let him answer the question.

Then wrap it up with. Would you be able to help me be a better parent by giving me some advice on what I can do so you don’t get so frustrated with me? More space and let him answer. That is it. Have some conversations like this over the course of several weeks without saying anything. Just listen and be attentive to his needs and the ship will turn. It takes patience to reconnect with teens and understanding their challenging world is the first step. You can love them or control them but you can’t do both.🤘

Get my new free book. When Parents Fail Children Lose. House Rules of Harmony. A parents guide to help the family win.

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Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce
some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com .
Always anonymous.


How can I force him to go to THERAPY?…Now What?

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Dear Coach Richie: I have a 16 year old who desperately needs some help but is refusing to talk to a therapist unless we give in to some demands. My wife and I have decided we will not be giving in to them.
But how do we force him to attend therapy at this point? We’ve tried limiting electronics which is the only thing he cares about. Even that hasn’t worked.
When he was younger it was easier to make him attend but now it seems almost impossible. Please help!!

COACH RICHIE: Problem #1 the language you are using. You can’t force anyone to do anything in life. Especially a 16 year old. Then you want him to see therapist that you selected. They just see them as a rat that will tell you everything he says. When parents ask me about getting their kid into therapy to fix their child. I tell them it starts with the parents. However as parents we rush to judgement thinking that our child is broken. Most of the time it is a result of lack of attention, love, challenging environment or a peer connection that leaves them getting advice from friends that don’t know anything. Why because they have lost their connection to the parents. So i would be asking myself.

What is going on in his world? Could we be contributing to the challenges he is facing? What can we do to build a better connection to him? What does he really need right now? You really need to be honest with yourselves because in the end they have all the leverage. And using force to get any results will never work. If you need to chat. Would be happy to have a conversation with you to. Because it is very helpful to speak to someone that can see what we don’t and hear what we can’t. You can love them or control them. It you can’t do both. All my love and support on your parenting journey. 🤘you got this.

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com . Always anonymous.


My son hates me because I CAN’T handle the TRUTH…Now WHAT?

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Dear Coach Richie: I don’t get it. I wake up in a good mood starting my day. I was feeding my 1 year old and talking to him and my 17 year old decided to fill me in on how much he doesn’t like me as a person. That my 1 year old doesn’t like me either but he needs me to survive. Not a conscious choice. This happened without any kind of provocation and is just crazy. Then he insulted me because he said I can’t handle the truth.

I don’t want this miserable anger to corrupt my 1 & 6 year old and am getting tired of it.

Coach Richie: He has lost his connection with you. Maybe the baby? Jealous of attention the baby is getting. What else is going on in the house that would make him feel hurt and would cause him to lash out at you? Teens are not programmed to be angry and hurtful. It is not a teen thing. It is a lack of connection to an adult. When they fail to connect with a parent they connect with friends and peers and as a result become influenced by them. What better way to fit it with others In their situation than to hate their parents and tell them. That is tribe mentality. So what do you think he needs right now? What is going on in his world right now? What did you need at his age? I love the advice to throw him out. So ridiculous we all have different experiences as parents and it is so easy for some to pass judgment and make a statement like this. You need to find a way to become his friend again. When as the last time you hugged him? The last time you spent some time with him without your other 2 children. He may be starving for your attention and anger is one way to get it. They are not mature enough to handle more than one emotion at a time. So anger it is because he can get a reaction out of you. What does he like to do? How can you build some rapport with him and become his friend? Do you respect him? Do you trust him? Have you asked him if he hates you? Have you expressed how you feel when he tells you he doesn’t like you as a person? What has been your response when he makes these mean comments? Have you asked him for help to understand what you have done wrong to make him say these hurtful things to you? His anger is masking his vulnerabilities and it keeps him safe in his tribe. How can you find a way to get past his anger and into his heart allowing him to be vulnerable with you. That is what we need in order to maintain our connections to our kids and be their friends. Hope some of these questions help you out. It is hard to deal with an unprovoked angry teenager. Unfortunately from their perspective they have been provoked and it is a mystery that is parents need to solve in order to discover a path through the anger.

Parenting Challenges and nowhere to turn! Send me your challenge and let’s see what we can do to empower you, reduce some of your stress and help you build a stronger foundation with your children. Email me at whatsup@richiepryor.com . Always anonymous.